The kids are getting more settled in and comfortable. Mihiretu has been invited to several of his classmates homes after school this week and last. He's had SO much fun and it's been so helpful to have him entertained so I could do other things. It's amazing how these parents have reached out to us to help in this way. I'm so thankful.
This past Sunday, we went to church, then out to lunch then home (here) to settle in. Having down time instead of go-go-go all the time, I found makes me have time to reflect. I MUCH prefer to keep chipping away at the tasks at hand. If I keep busy "doing" I cope much better. I don't have time to reflect. If I let my emotions get the better of my, my kids will see and get upset and this will just make things harder. So you see, it's better to be strong and tend to everyone else's needs. It just is. I've learned this and I'm pretty good at it. So good, in fact that my precious niece - the one who is pregnant (and who I was there the day she was born and remember it well) has asked me to be in the delivery room with her when she gives birth to my great-niece. She knows that I can remain calm with a little smile on my face, no matter what comes, which will keep her (and her husband) calm. It's a gift I think. Plus, I have helped 5 friends and family members during labor and delivery because I have this stone faced gift. It has served me well. Some call it denial. I think 'gift' has a much more positive ring to it.
The enormity of it all sinks in when I let it and I really can't get my head around all of it. It really is so big, with all it's complexities and what it means and how it effects each family member. Many people have commented about how shocking the pictures of the house are. When I looked into the kitchen from the garage for the first time, I had to turn around and go to the back yard for a while. It was so shocking, like a horrible nightmare. I love to cook and take a lot of pride in my kitchen and to see all the black soot coating everything, boarded up windows and stuff everywhere it looked to me like a crack house.
How quickly everything can change. One day, we are having company for dinner and kebabs on the grill and the very next day our house looks like a crack house.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
I quote these verses often out loud trying to remind myself of their truth. Like one morning when you wake up, the once flawless wood floor is scratched beyond recognition by 2 little boys riding their trucks and bikes on it all winter. (It really didn't happen over night!) Or when ink gets all over your leather couch and won't come off. (Guess it looked like a great coloring spot!) When I discover these lovely things, I grimace and I feel this little twinge inside for just a second and then those verses come, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth..."
When I saw my lovely kitchen in that state, they came to my mind again.
We only have "stuff" to be used. If it is blessing a human being, then that is it's intended purpose. We shouldn't treasure our "stuff" or our money the way we do. It is because of this misdirected treasuring that we don't:
- have people over for dinner (our house is too small, messy, I can't cook, you fill in the blank), or
-allow a person who is in need to live with us (it costs too much to feed them, how uncomfortable, they might see me in my underwear),
or
- do foster care (what if they steal from me, they might keep me up all night, too stressful, they might wreck my "stuff")
or
-adopt (woah, way too expensive, they'll take time from my other kids-not fair, I've worked all my life and I *deserve* this time to enjoy myself, I'm almost done - this is my time, WAY too much work, they might have to learn a new language - how do you do that?)
or
-give money to a ministry. Who knows what they are going to do with it?
Yep, pretty much I've heard all of those things at one time or another. I've said some of those things. I'm as guilty as the next person when it comes to misdirected treasure. And yep, there is some truth to those concerns.
But to that I say, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Oh, yeah. Actually Jesus said that first.
Just some stuff I had to get off my chest tonight.
Love to you all,
Laura
Amen and Amen. I am sorry for all that you have lost that has you reflecting and using your gift :o) more often. You are strong, and God is using you in some pretty powerful ways. Hang in there, you are a treasure.
ReplyDeleteAndrea