Blaine and I on the beach in Cabo San Lucas. So glad we had that calm before the storm.
This was a lovely family picture that hung above our fireplace. I'm really not too sad about losing it since it is only the 4 of us and doesn't represent our family anymore.
This once nice leather office chair was up in Rene's room on the second floor and must have found it's way out the window and ended up in one of my flower beds.
Sorry about the randomness of these pictures but I though I'd mix the good the bad. For some reason, I have been hesitant to post exactly what I've been feeling. So I thought in posting these pictures you might have an visual understanding of it.
First, I have to start with a little background. Remember the T.V. show "The Love Boat?" Remember Julie the cruise director? Her job was to be sure all the passengers aboard the cruise ship were happy, had their needs and wants met and mostly that everyone was having a good time. She was always bubbly and would stop at nothing in her quest to please everyone. I am like Julie. I have always thought of my job as wife and mother to be one of making sure everything and everyone runs the the best they can. I literally run the house and except for the bills and fixing things, I manage the house and those in it to the best of my ability.
So for the first month after the fire, I continued to do this role. And for the first month, I really was handling things - photographing everything in the house, saying goodbye to Rene, laundry, shopping (for everybody) to replace the things we needed, and trying to make a "home away from home" for my family.
As far as the progress on the house, nothing visible has been happening for a the past couple weeks. We understood that the truss company wouldn't be beginning to build our trusses for another couple weeks. They take 2-3 weeks just to build so that's a whole lot of 'nothing' happening for me. Blaine is crazy busy doing more things than one human being can possibly do.
So I guess this past weekend, it finally hit me. Our house burned down.
Please hear me when I say that I know we are so fortunate and blessed. Without a doubt! We have a roof over our heads and food to eat which is more than millions of people in developing countries can say. We have God. And we have each other. All that really matters, we have.
But if I'm being honest, I must say that I'm a creature of habit and it's hard to be uprooted from all I know. I was comfortable with my life and the way things "worked" which is precisely the reason I structured things the way I did in my wife, mother, home management role. It worked for me and us as a family.
So now all that has changed and I thought if I acknowledged it "on paper" so to speak I could get it behind me and move ahead. The fact that anyone actually reads this blog and is blessed from anything that is said here is a huge bonus, as I blog because it helps me so much to get my feelings and experiences off my chest and sort it all out "on paper."
I also don't want anyone to think that I have it all together. This is so untrue! I told someone that I hadn't seen in a long time that we were adopting again.
"You guys have so much energy!" was her reaction.
"No, we don't!!!" was mine.
Still I say, "God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called."
Did I ever think in a million years that I'd be the mother to 5 or even 6?? NEVER! I'm not one of those people. I don't drive a van, have a long braid down my back or make casseroles. (Sorry for the stereotype)
I am NOT a patient person in the slightest - I think this has been established a long time ago:)
I don't love chaos and loads of noise.
I like to sleep through the night and preferably until 7:30 a.m.
I don't really like picking up after everyone.
I don't enjoy laundry.
Are you getting a picture of me now? Ugly, huh?
But you know what I love more than anything else? I love living the life God has chosen for me from the beginning of time. I love to follow His will, whatever that is. I love to hear Him and know without a shadow of a doubt, we're right where He wants us to be. I love knowing that my kids are developing a heart for poor and needy in the world. I love knowing they will grow up to view adoption as natural and as a way to build their own families.
Why is it that we as a family have been through so many traumatic things in our lives? Don't know.
Why has God chosen to show us in no uncertain terms that we He wants us to adopt once and now again? Don't know.
Why is Satan so threatened by us adopting that he tries so hard to stop us? Don't know.
What is God's plan in all this? Don't know.
What I do know is that we will continue to follow God's will for our lives. And wherever that takes us, we will go.
Pity party officially over. I hope I never have to write about one again.