Our 4 year anniversary-looking back

Four years ago today, we made this walk from our guest home to the care center where our boys were lovingly being taken care of. I remember thinking how surreal this was at the time. In the light colored building, we would meet our 2 new sons...in just a few MINUTES!!! We don't have video of this so I have to rely on my memory for this but as we walked up to the gate and the children saw us coming, they began yelling, "Mihiretu...mama...daddy! Mama..daddy!!

We walked through the gate and spotted him in his bright orange shirt. Blaine knelt down and instantly Mihiretu came close and leaned into Blaine and put his arm around him.

So. Sweet.

This is the first picture we took of Mihiretu. Look how TINY he is!! Tiny is not a word that can be used to describe this kid today!! We brought toy cars and a flashlight to use to play with him when we met. He spoke no English and we spoke no Amharic but we managed to get to know each other through play. We began building trust but passing the car to him and he'd pass it back.

This is the first picture I have with Misganaw and the first time I held him. He refused to look at me and all of us until we took him off the grounds of the care center. I can't even imagine what this little guy was thinking. I can hardly believe I'm the mother of a baby again!! That's what I'm thinking.

This was one of Misganaw's nanny's at the care center. She loved him so much and had a very hard time letting him go. I had to comfort her through her crying...my heart broke for her. I'm so happy they love the children the way they do.

Taking it ALL in here. We could tell immediately that the boys loved each other very much. Mihiretu was a pro at carrying his little brother around, as small as he was then.

Masse (the man who ran the guest home then) and tiny Mihiretu.

Mihiretu eating double fisted in Dulles in the Delta Club. We could see we had some work to do on his manners:)

A weary dad holding his new baby. Misganaw still looks dazed but it didn't take long for our wonderful bond to form with both boys.

This is my memory lane today.

I still cannot believe God saw us fit to parent these two precious boys! Often times, I say in my head, "I am the MOST blessed mom in the world." These boys have brought such life and laughter into our family. They have taught us so much about unconditional love and resiliency.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a 45 year old mom of a pre-schooler. I love his hugs, his 100 I love you's a day and all the funny things he says. On the way home from pre-school today, I asked him, "Do you know how much fun it is to be your mommy?" I told him it is a LOT of fun. He proceeded to tell me, "If I was your mommy and you were the little kid, I would let you have as much candy every day as you want!" Interpreted...he loves me so much!

I love watching Mihiretu grow. I love watching him learn to read, make friends and memorize Bible verses. He's so excited that today is his 'gotcha day' (the day we 'got' them) because he knows there will be a special treat after dinner tonight. What he doesn't know is that there will also be a special treat before dinner, too! The other night he hugged me and told me, "Mom, you and my mommy in Ethiopia are the BEST mommies in the world!" I told him, "Thank you! Your Ethiopian mommy loves you very much and she was a wonderful mommy to you and Misganaw."

Soon, I will write about why we adopted in the first place. If you don't know the story, it is a miraculous one that only God could have orchestrated! Can't wait to revisit it.

If God is tugging on your heart about adoption...LISTEN. You could be missing the biggest blessing imaginable.

Love,

Laura

Misganaw's thoughts on 'family'

On the way home from church last night, Misganaw in a very impassioned voice says, "Mom, Blake, Katie and De are part of our family."

Then Mihiretu started talking and so I just let Misganaw's comment pass.

But then he repeated it, louder and with more passion, "MOM, Blake...Katie...and De are part of our family!"

I replied, "Yes, that's right, Misganaw."

He continued, "And family does NOT put out family!"

Then I realized what he had obviously been thinking about. Blake is in the process of buying a house and it looks like he'll be moving out yet this month. Misganaw thinks we are putting him out. Katie and De are getting married in June and have been house shopping, as well. He thinks we are putting them out.

I explained to him that we love Blake, Katie and De but they *want* to move out and start a home of their own. I asked him if he was sad about this. He said, "Yes, it's just not nice. We are family and we love each other."

Precious!

Later today, I will post another walk down memory lane from 4 years ago.

I think my pre-schooler has a pretty good understanding about 'family.' Don't you?

Blessings,

Laura

My baby is 21

I'm taking a walk down memory lane. My oldest is 21 today! How did that happen? I love this picture of the 2 of us. Blake looks about 11 to me here. I look about 11, too! Ugh...

A little out of order but for educational purposes: this is Blake with Lyme's Disease. See the bullseye spots all over his back? Only one deer tick bit him and it caused several spots. He was one sick kid.

I'm guessing he's about 13 here, maybe 14.

The first band he was in...UPS.

Blake's graduation picture. So handsome!

Blake when he was in Weaver at the Loom. Fun times!

In Korah at Great Hope Church leading worship.

Blake with beautiful Korah girls!

More pretty girls...

I'm just a little nostalgic this week. So many memories to think about. If you can't tell, my baby turning 21 is a biggie for me. It's fun to look back, remember and see where God has brought my son. He's faced some challenges (of course, being in this family you can imagine!)

We love him with all our hearts and are excited to see what God has for him in his future!

In a couple days, I will take another walk down memory lane going back 4 years...can you guess?

Love,

Laura

Social security with *update*

Guess who got all A's again this past quarter?? Miss Aliya! She has also made her case for this quarter to be out of one of her ELL (English Language Learners) classes. She so wanted to be in Geography (the class she did the presentations on Ethiopia for), which means that now she only has one ELL class for extra help and work on the basics. She went to her dean 3 times to ask for this, spoke on more than one occasion with the Geography teacher and yesterday her ELL teacher called me to see how I felt about it. I told her to make the switch asap or I will endure the wrath of Aliya, who when she wants something, does whatever she can to get it and in the meantime can make life a little unbearable:)

She came home yesterday asking me if I had spoken to the ELL teacher and if I did, why in the world did she have to wait until THURSDAY to start??!!!! I politely reminded her of her doctor appointment on Wednesday afternoon, so Thursday would be the soonest she could start. Oh, my. This is one determined girl!

Monday, she and I went downtown to the Social Sec. office to get Aliya's Soc. Sec. card. If you've never had a card and you're over 12 years of age, you must apply in person. Also, I had Mihiretu's card to get (long story...but he came to the U.S. on an incorrect birthdate on his green card and that had to be fixed before he could get his Soc. Sec. card). Then Misganaw's card had to be updated because he is no longer considered a resident alien, he is a U.S. citizen.

When we arrived, I took a number. They were on number 7 when we arrived. I chose number 109!!! No lie. So we waited an hour and a half to two hours before they called number 109. We were so excited to be called:) We went back to Window 11, I handed the man all our paperwork (remember how much I despise paperwork??????) and he asked me for my drivers license. I handed it to him, he did a few things and handed me back my drivers license and says, "Your drivers license is expired."

"NOOOOOO! Please don't tell me that!" I promise, I am the same person I was on Christmas day when my drivers license expired (not on purpose...I really didn't know).

He didn't care. It was ALL I could do to hold back tears, seriously. So back we go today. I have my new drivers license AND my passport. Don't mess with me this time!

I'll let you know how this one goes.

Blessings,

Laura

So she starts Geography on Thursday.

*Update* Another story from the social security office today. We got there, took a number and it was number 173 AND they were on 155!!! Wahhoooooo! Boy, were Aliya and I excited. So excited, in fact, that I didn't hear the window number when they called our number 173. I went back and asked a sweet lady and guess what she said....Window 11!!!!!!!! Oh, no! Not HIM again!! Ugh. Ok, we go back and produce our documents. I give him my license with the yellow piece of paper they give you at the license bureau when you renew. He proceeds to tell my, "I will *try* it with this. I'm not sure it will work."

Seriously?????

Fear not for I have brought my passport. I told you...don't mess with me!

The long and the short of it is we got it all done:):):):) It took him a full hour and a half to complete our requests but we got it done. I think it might have been his 3rd day on the job. Wow, the government is so efficient!

Exceedingly proud!

Today was really a monumental day in Aliya's life. She was asked several weeks ago on Ethiopia to speak the 8th grade geography class. She was very excited to do this, that is until this week when reality hit and she got scared. With help from her ELL teacher at school, she prepared a powerpoint and a script. We downloaded a video of Korah for the kids to see. I wasn't completely sure how she'd do or even if she could do it. This was a very big deal. She prepared for a 15 minute presentation which would be repeated 5 times to the 5 different geography classes!! Wow, that is HUGE, huh?

I went with her for her first 3 classes today for support.

She didn't need it:)

By the 3rd class, Aliya was speaking for the full class time-45 minutes!

She did amazing! I mean REALLY amazing! The kids listened attentively, asked great questions and tried berebere (Ethiopian spice-spicy!). They were respectful to her and appreciative. She was composed, animated and poised. She was confident and honest. She told the kids that when she came here, she was scared to start school. She told them in Ethiopia, it is easy to make a friend, but it is much harder here. She told them she used to cry at night because it was so hard for her at school and she wanted friends so badly.

She told them that even thought life in Ethiopia is hard, the people are happy and always have a smile on their faces.

She represented Ethiopia and its beautiful people well.

She represented our family well.

She represented herself well.

Today, Aliya made me so proud to be her mother. She showed me that it all has been worth it. She showed me that taking a chance and investing in people IS the right thing to do, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS! She showed me that whatever challenges we face are worth making the effort to overcome.

How would we have known this blessing if we hadn't adopted a teenager?

Blaine and I went yesterday to a counseling session at the Family Attachment Center. It was very eye opening. We told her about our family and about Aliya. I told her how I'd been struggling and stressed over certain persistent issues. She was a wise woman and intuitive. She asked questions and took notes. We sensed that she had a good idea who Aliya was.

She told me that even thought some of her behaviors are sprinkled with 'adoption behavior', basically we just had an adolescent on our hands! It was really eye opening for me to think of it this way. Blake, even though he made some very dumb choices in middle school and some of high school, was always respectful to us as parents. (If that makes any sense) Katie, quiet honestly has always been a respectful, obedient and never challenging child, even though the teen years.

So a 'normal adolescent' I wasn't used to!

Since she has always been with us less than a year, she hasn't had the benefit of growing up knowing the expectations of us as parents. I think if she had been with us since babyhood or toddlerhood, these things would be easier. But coming in when she did, she still has to learn these things.

I also was told that we as parents instruct our small children all the way up on how we want things done. Because of this, they MAY intuitively know us well enough to know what we are thinking and feeling without saying a word. Katie does this with me better than anyone else. So I guess I was expecting Aliya to do this, too. After all, if I have a sad or mad face wouldn't you know how I feel? Women...come on...you know what I mean!!

Well, with the cultural differences, Aliya does not pick up on these things and I was unrealistic to think she should be able to do this.

I need to use words...simple and direct. Imagine! I can't beat around the bush or expect her to read my mind. This will take work, indeed!

I've been schooled.

We were also told that, in the counselors experience, we have been blessed with the top 1% of older adopted kids in terms of behavior, etc. She said the fact that Aliya has decided in her mind that we are her family, she loves us and accepts us is the biggest advantage we have. Also, the fact that she improves after a correction from us, is a huge issue in our favor!

After all that, some advice on techniques, advice on picking our battles and a book recommendation on adopting teens (I didn't know such a book existed!), we have decided that we will not pursue any further counseling, as it is really not needed. The counselor told us she will be a different person at 20 or 25 than she is now at 15, just due to growing out of adolescence. Whew!!

A couple things that the counselor said to me really have stuck out in my mind. Aliya was a very independent young girl and had to be as responsible as an adult for a few years. I wondered why a child who had to be an adult wouldn't jump at the chance to be a child, knowing she had a family who would take care of her.

She told me that a child who has had to be independent like that has a hard time giving that up. "Being dependent is a scary place to be," she said.

LIGHTBULB! Of course. She holds on to her independence (even when it doesn't make sense) because if she gives it up completely and something happens to us and she is left alone again, she will be even farther behind. In her life, this has happened and been a reality so to let it all go...she just cannot do it...at least, not yet. Way too scary.

She MUST retain some control as her life has been very out of control for years. So we need to pick our battles and let her retain control in things that don't really matter (not life and death stuff, safety, etc.)

So today is a new, fresh start for me. A new perspective. A new appreciation.

I am a blessed Mom. A blessed mom of a future teacher. (my prediction!)

Laura

Christmas pics and getting it off my chest

Our family this Christmas. Yep, my birthday is on Christmas and yep, I am 40 plus 5! I've included De in our family picture this year since in 6 months he will be our son-in-law.

Mihiretu, me and Katie enjoying our huge snowstorm a couple weeks ago. Katie was digging out a snow cave, I was shoveling the front sidewalk and Mihiretu just looks like he's in pain, doesn't he?? Haha:)

Aliya opening her box of ornaments. I bought them for her to catch up with the rest of the kids who have received one for every Christmas, so they have quite a collection. Now she does, too!

This years ornaments for the boys, Woody and an alien.

Making Christmas cookies during the blizzard.

The boys having fun in the snow. Just look at Blake's car behind them covered in snow. Awesome!

Christmas morning. This is Damien (De's nephew visiting from New York) and Blake.

De went deer hunting with Blaine this past fall and actually shot his first buck. De LOVED hunting!!! Blaine decided to get him his own gun for the years to come of hunting. Could this smile get ANY bigger???

Why, YES IT CAN! I like to call this picture, "De's GUNS." Kapow!!

I know...finally I post some pictures! It's about time. We had a wonderful Christmas and I'll share about that in a minute.

Some of you have been wondering why my posts have been so few and so far between in the last few months. I alluded to it some time ago but today feel like giving you a little of the nitty gritty.

They best way for me to explain the last year to you is to quote Dickens. Maybe it has been the last few years, in all honesty.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness;it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of dispair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

It has been up. It has been down.

We have been through a lot of different things in our lives. If you've read this blog for very long, you already know that. Lots of hard stuff. Among the hardest is adoption. I know that might surprise many of you but the year after we got the boys was personally my hardest year, closely followed by this past year. The year of the fire was a doozy, too.

All things considered, Aliya's adoption and subsequent transition has gone well. But we have had our way ups and our way downs, and the downs are just unbearable for me. I don't want to go into detail but the things we are dealing with are pretty typical older kid adoption issues. They all make sense to me and I understand them, but it seems that we need some professional help to learn how to deal with them and give us tools to help. I'm hopeful that they will be able to help us, as they deal with attachment in adoption exclusively. So with me hanging on by my teeth quite a bit of the time, it has been hard for me to find the time and energy it takes for me to blog.

I know that if we had never adopted our lives would be much less busy and stressful. We knew that going into it. Let's face it, both Blake and Katie are moving out this summer and we'd be 6 months from becoming empty nesters. Instead, we were obedient to the Lord's leading and brought 3 more children into our family and now it looks like 14 more years before we will be empty nesters! Would we change it if we could? No, NOT ONE THING!

Our lives would be simpler for sure but much emptier. We are thrilled to be used by God in this way and humbled that He would choose us to raise 3 more kids, whom He gave us for a purpose. Every day, we get to look into the faces of our children who would have certainly have had a very different outcome if God hadn't placed them in our family. I could give you details of where I think they'd be but I won't...because they are NOT there. They are here. With us. Safe. Warm. Fed. Loved. In a family, where ALL children should be.

So all that to say, I've been struggling and trying to keep it together. I really don't know how you moms of more than 5 kids do it! God has given you something He hasn't given me:) But I am blessed and thankful to have the 5 I have and will continue to learn to be the best mom I can be.

I am also wondering if Blaine and I have an adrenaline problem. Seriously! Here is what we have on our plates for the next 6 months.

-Planning our daughters wedding:)

-Katie and De are looking to buy a house

-Blake is looking to buy a house

-Blaine and I are going on our 25th anniversary trip to Korah, in Ethiopia!!

Oh, did I just throw that one in at the end??

Anyway, ALL big, huge stuff. I wonder if we just will not allow ourselves some down time because our bodies have a need for an adrenaline rush after all the stuff we've been through in the past few years.

Blaine surprised me on my birthday the other day with a handmade card. On the front, he put a picture of me and it said, "My beautiful wife and I are..." turn the page and there is an airplane and it says, "going on an airplane to..." turn the page and it is a picture of giant hands holding the world and it says, "GUESS WHERE?" turn the page and it is a pic of Ethiopia and it says, "KORAH." Oh, boy I bawled like a baby in front of our 20 Christmas guests. I couldn't even talk or see Blaine through my tears.

I never begged him or even mentioned it after he told me that going to a Korah would not be on his itinerary for our 25th anniversary. I accepted it. But he knows me and how much it would mean to me to go there. He also knows God wants him to go there and see it for himself.

You see, we know that God has a bigger plan for our lives. We just have to be willing and maybe go out of our comfort zones to see what that is. And that my middle school sweetheart (yes, I did say middle school!) gets that and wants to go to a leper colony for our 25th anniversary why the next 25 years are going to be a roller coaster ride!

Congratulations if you made it through this ridiculously LONG and way overdue post!

Happy New Year,

Laura

Wants or needs?

The other day, Mihiretu brought home an assignment they had done in class. They are learning about goods vs. services and wants vs. needs.

It starts out with someone buying a CD. This is a 'good' and a CD is a 'want.' So far, so good!

Next, they paid for a car wash. A car wash is a 'service' and is a 'need.' WHAT?????

Then they buy a new outfit. This is a 'good' and a 'need.' Alright, clothes are a need.

Then they got a hair cut. This is a 'service' and a 'need.' Really?

Then they bought a pizza. This is a 'good' and a 'need.' Ok, food is a need.

I asked Mihiretu if he really thought a car wash and a hair cut were really needs. He told me they had a substitute that day and this is what she said! He hadn't really thought about it, just filled in the blanks. Ugh...seriously?

I brought him back to Ethiopia. He remembers some things still. I asked him if people in Ethiopia would think a car wash or a hair cut was a need. He looked down at the floor and replied, "No."

This led to a good discussion where we talked about thinking for himself and not believing everything the teacher says all the time. If he KNOWS something to be true, no one should be able to change his mind.

I don't know this substitute but maybe she has never been to a developing country to see the difference. We live in suburbia USA where we run our cars through the car wash whenever we want to. If our hair needs color or a cut, we make the appointment and take care of it. No problem.

These things are luxuries.

But 'needs' they are NOT!!!!!

So off base in America sometimes.

Let's teach our children the difference.

Count your blessings,

Laura