Social security with *update*

Guess who got all A's again this past quarter?? Miss Aliya! She has also made her case for this quarter to be out of one of her ELL (English Language Learners) classes. She so wanted to be in Geography (the class she did the presentations on Ethiopia for), which means that now she only has one ELL class for extra help and work on the basics. She went to her dean 3 times to ask for this, spoke on more than one occasion with the Geography teacher and yesterday her ELL teacher called me to see how I felt about it. I told her to make the switch asap or I will endure the wrath of Aliya, who when she wants something, does whatever she can to get it and in the meantime can make life a little unbearable:)

She came home yesterday asking me if I had spoken to the ELL teacher and if I did, why in the world did she have to wait until THURSDAY to start??!!!! I politely reminded her of her doctor appointment on Wednesday afternoon, so Thursday would be the soonest she could start. Oh, my. This is one determined girl!

Monday, she and I went downtown to the Social Sec. office to get Aliya's Soc. Sec. card. If you've never had a card and you're over 12 years of age, you must apply in person. Also, I had Mihiretu's card to get (long story...but he came to the U.S. on an incorrect birthdate on his green card and that had to be fixed before he could get his Soc. Sec. card). Then Misganaw's card had to be updated because he is no longer considered a resident alien, he is a U.S. citizen.

When we arrived, I took a number. They were on number 7 when we arrived. I chose number 109!!! No lie. So we waited an hour and a half to two hours before they called number 109. We were so excited to be called:) We went back to Window 11, I handed the man all our paperwork (remember how much I despise paperwork??????) and he asked me for my drivers license. I handed it to him, he did a few things and handed me back my drivers license and says, "Your drivers license is expired."

"NOOOOOO! Please don't tell me that!" I promise, I am the same person I was on Christmas day when my drivers license expired (not on purpose...I really didn't know).

He didn't care. It was ALL I could do to hold back tears, seriously. So back we go today. I have my new drivers license AND my passport. Don't mess with me this time!

I'll let you know how this one goes.

Blessings,

Laura

So she starts Geography on Thursday.

*Update* Another story from the social security office today. We got there, took a number and it was number 173 AND they were on 155!!! Wahhoooooo! Boy, were Aliya and I excited. So excited, in fact, that I didn't hear the window number when they called our number 173. I went back and asked a sweet lady and guess what she said....Window 11!!!!!!!! Oh, no! Not HIM again!! Ugh. Ok, we go back and produce our documents. I give him my license with the yellow piece of paper they give you at the license bureau when you renew. He proceeds to tell my, "I will *try* it with this. I'm not sure it will work."

Seriously?????

Fear not for I have brought my passport. I told you...don't mess with me!

The long and the short of it is we got it all done:):):):) It took him a full hour and a half to complete our requests but we got it done. I think it might have been his 3rd day on the job. Wow, the government is so efficient!

Exceedingly proud!

Today was really a monumental day in Aliya's life. She was asked several weeks ago on Ethiopia to speak the 8th grade geography class. She was very excited to do this, that is until this week when reality hit and she got scared. With help from her ELL teacher at school, she prepared a powerpoint and a script. We downloaded a video of Korah for the kids to see. I wasn't completely sure how she'd do or even if she could do it. This was a very big deal. She prepared for a 15 minute presentation which would be repeated 5 times to the 5 different geography classes!! Wow, that is HUGE, huh?

I went with her for her first 3 classes today for support.

She didn't need it:)

By the 3rd class, Aliya was speaking for the full class time-45 minutes!

She did amazing! I mean REALLY amazing! The kids listened attentively, asked great questions and tried berebere (Ethiopian spice-spicy!). They were respectful to her and appreciative. She was composed, animated and poised. She was confident and honest. She told the kids that when she came here, she was scared to start school. She told them in Ethiopia, it is easy to make a friend, but it is much harder here. She told them she used to cry at night because it was so hard for her at school and she wanted friends so badly.

She told them that even thought life in Ethiopia is hard, the people are happy and always have a smile on their faces.

She represented Ethiopia and its beautiful people well.

She represented our family well.

She represented herself well.

Today, Aliya made me so proud to be her mother. She showed me that it all has been worth it. She showed me that taking a chance and investing in people IS the right thing to do, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS! She showed me that whatever challenges we face are worth making the effort to overcome.

How would we have known this blessing if we hadn't adopted a teenager?

Blaine and I went yesterday to a counseling session at the Family Attachment Center. It was very eye opening. We told her about our family and about Aliya. I told her how I'd been struggling and stressed over certain persistent issues. She was a wise woman and intuitive. She asked questions and took notes. We sensed that she had a good idea who Aliya was.

She told me that even thought some of her behaviors are sprinkled with 'adoption behavior', basically we just had an adolescent on our hands! It was really eye opening for me to think of it this way. Blake, even though he made some very dumb choices in middle school and some of high school, was always respectful to us as parents. (If that makes any sense) Katie, quiet honestly has always been a respectful, obedient and never challenging child, even though the teen years.

So a 'normal adolescent' I wasn't used to!

Since she has always been with us less than a year, she hasn't had the benefit of growing up knowing the expectations of us as parents. I think if she had been with us since babyhood or toddlerhood, these things would be easier. But coming in when she did, she still has to learn these things.

I also was told that we as parents instruct our small children all the way up on how we want things done. Because of this, they MAY intuitively know us well enough to know what we are thinking and feeling without saying a word. Katie does this with me better than anyone else. So I guess I was expecting Aliya to do this, too. After all, if I have a sad or mad face wouldn't you know how I feel? Women...come on...you know what I mean!!

Well, with the cultural differences, Aliya does not pick up on these things and I was unrealistic to think she should be able to do this.

I need to use words...simple and direct. Imagine! I can't beat around the bush or expect her to read my mind. This will take work, indeed!

I've been schooled.

We were also told that, in the counselors experience, we have been blessed with the top 1% of older adopted kids in terms of behavior, etc. She said the fact that Aliya has decided in her mind that we are her family, she loves us and accepts us is the biggest advantage we have. Also, the fact that she improves after a correction from us, is a huge issue in our favor!

After all that, some advice on techniques, advice on picking our battles and a book recommendation on adopting teens (I didn't know such a book existed!), we have decided that we will not pursue any further counseling, as it is really not needed. The counselor told us she will be a different person at 20 or 25 than she is now at 15, just due to growing out of adolescence. Whew!!

A couple things that the counselor said to me really have stuck out in my mind. Aliya was a very independent young girl and had to be as responsible as an adult for a few years. I wondered why a child who had to be an adult wouldn't jump at the chance to be a child, knowing she had a family who would take care of her.

She told me that a child who has had to be independent like that has a hard time giving that up. "Being dependent is a scary place to be," she said.

LIGHTBULB! Of course. She holds on to her independence (even when it doesn't make sense) because if she gives it up completely and something happens to us and she is left alone again, she will be even farther behind. In her life, this has happened and been a reality so to let it all go...she just cannot do it...at least, not yet. Way too scary.

She MUST retain some control as her life has been very out of control for years. So we need to pick our battles and let her retain control in things that don't really matter (not life and death stuff, safety, etc.)

So today is a new, fresh start for me. A new perspective. A new appreciation.

I am a blessed Mom. A blessed mom of a future teacher. (my prediction!)

Laura

Christmas pics and getting it off my chest

Our family this Christmas. Yep, my birthday is on Christmas and yep, I am 40 plus 5! I've included De in our family picture this year since in 6 months he will be our son-in-law.

Mihiretu, me and Katie enjoying our huge snowstorm a couple weeks ago. Katie was digging out a snow cave, I was shoveling the front sidewalk and Mihiretu just looks like he's in pain, doesn't he?? Haha:)

Aliya opening her box of ornaments. I bought them for her to catch up with the rest of the kids who have received one for every Christmas, so they have quite a collection. Now she does, too!

This years ornaments for the boys, Woody and an alien.

Making Christmas cookies during the blizzard.

The boys having fun in the snow. Just look at Blake's car behind them covered in snow. Awesome!

Christmas morning. This is Damien (De's nephew visiting from New York) and Blake.

De went deer hunting with Blaine this past fall and actually shot his first buck. De LOVED hunting!!! Blaine decided to get him his own gun for the years to come of hunting. Could this smile get ANY bigger???

Why, YES IT CAN! I like to call this picture, "De's GUNS." Kapow!!

I know...finally I post some pictures! It's about time. We had a wonderful Christmas and I'll share about that in a minute.

Some of you have been wondering why my posts have been so few and so far between in the last few months. I alluded to it some time ago but today feel like giving you a little of the nitty gritty.

They best way for me to explain the last year to you is to quote Dickens. Maybe it has been the last few years, in all honesty.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness;it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of dispair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

It has been up. It has been down.

We have been through a lot of different things in our lives. If you've read this blog for very long, you already know that. Lots of hard stuff. Among the hardest is adoption. I know that might surprise many of you but the year after we got the boys was personally my hardest year, closely followed by this past year. The year of the fire was a doozy, too.

All things considered, Aliya's adoption and subsequent transition has gone well. But we have had our way ups and our way downs, and the downs are just unbearable for me. I don't want to go into detail but the things we are dealing with are pretty typical older kid adoption issues. They all make sense to me and I understand them, but it seems that we need some professional help to learn how to deal with them and give us tools to help. I'm hopeful that they will be able to help us, as they deal with attachment in adoption exclusively. So with me hanging on by my teeth quite a bit of the time, it has been hard for me to find the time and energy it takes for me to blog.

I know that if we had never adopted our lives would be much less busy and stressful. We knew that going into it. Let's face it, both Blake and Katie are moving out this summer and we'd be 6 months from becoming empty nesters. Instead, we were obedient to the Lord's leading and brought 3 more children into our family and now it looks like 14 more years before we will be empty nesters! Would we change it if we could? No, NOT ONE THING!

Our lives would be simpler for sure but much emptier. We are thrilled to be used by God in this way and humbled that He would choose us to raise 3 more kids, whom He gave us for a purpose. Every day, we get to look into the faces of our children who would have certainly have had a very different outcome if God hadn't placed them in our family. I could give you details of where I think they'd be but I won't...because they are NOT there. They are here. With us. Safe. Warm. Fed. Loved. In a family, where ALL children should be.

So all that to say, I've been struggling and trying to keep it together. I really don't know how you moms of more than 5 kids do it! God has given you something He hasn't given me:) But I am blessed and thankful to have the 5 I have and will continue to learn to be the best mom I can be.

I am also wondering if Blaine and I have an adrenaline problem. Seriously! Here is what we have on our plates for the next 6 months.

-Planning our daughters wedding:)

-Katie and De are looking to buy a house

-Blake is looking to buy a house

-Blaine and I are going on our 25th anniversary trip to Korah, in Ethiopia!!

Oh, did I just throw that one in at the end??

Anyway, ALL big, huge stuff. I wonder if we just will not allow ourselves some down time because our bodies have a need for an adrenaline rush after all the stuff we've been through in the past few years.

Blaine surprised me on my birthday the other day with a handmade card. On the front, he put a picture of me and it said, "My beautiful wife and I are..." turn the page and there is an airplane and it says, "going on an airplane to..." turn the page and it is a picture of giant hands holding the world and it says, "GUESS WHERE?" turn the page and it is a pic of Ethiopia and it says, "KORAH." Oh, boy I bawled like a baby in front of our 20 Christmas guests. I couldn't even talk or see Blaine through my tears.

I never begged him or even mentioned it after he told me that going to a Korah would not be on his itinerary for our 25th anniversary. I accepted it. But he knows me and how much it would mean to me to go there. He also knows God wants him to go there and see it for himself.

You see, we know that God has a bigger plan for our lives. We just have to be willing and maybe go out of our comfort zones to see what that is. And that my middle school sweetheart (yes, I did say middle school!) gets that and wants to go to a leper colony for our 25th anniversary why the next 25 years are going to be a roller coaster ride!

Congratulations if you made it through this ridiculously LONG and way overdue post!

Happy New Year,

Laura

Wants or needs?

The other day, Mihiretu brought home an assignment they had done in class. They are learning about goods vs. services and wants vs. needs.

It starts out with someone buying a CD. This is a 'good' and a CD is a 'want.' So far, so good!

Next, they paid for a car wash. A car wash is a 'service' and is a 'need.' WHAT?????

Then they buy a new outfit. This is a 'good' and a 'need.' Alright, clothes are a need.

Then they got a hair cut. This is a 'service' and a 'need.' Really?

Then they bought a pizza. This is a 'good' and a 'need.' Ok, food is a need.

I asked Mihiretu if he really thought a car wash and a hair cut were really needs. He told me they had a substitute that day and this is what she said! He hadn't really thought about it, just filled in the blanks. Ugh...seriously?

I brought him back to Ethiopia. He remembers some things still. I asked him if people in Ethiopia would think a car wash or a hair cut was a need. He looked down at the floor and replied, "No."

This led to a good discussion where we talked about thinking for himself and not believing everything the teacher says all the time. If he KNOWS something to be true, no one should be able to change his mind.

I don't know this substitute but maybe she has never been to a developing country to see the difference. We live in suburbia USA where we run our cars through the car wash whenever we want to. If our hair needs color or a cut, we make the appointment and take care of it. No problem.

These things are luxuries.

But 'needs' they are NOT!!!!!

So off base in America sometimes.

Let's teach our children the difference.

Count your blessings,

Laura

What a week:)

I do believe we have had one of the best weeks ever!

This news actually deserves a post of it's own but I will insert it here. De asked Katie to marry him on Wednesday afternoon, at a beautiful park with big snowflakes falling from the sky! My baby girl is engaged! We love De like a son and are THRILLED to have him in our family, officially. We are not sure when the wedding will be but I'll be sure to let you know! The ring is beautiful (they let me be a part of helping pick it out!) and these two are very happy and excited! Sorry, sorry, sorry I don't have a picture right now but I will post one soon!!!

We have had full, busy days since Wednesday when we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. Thankfully, I have 6 leaves to my table! Even with that all 20 of us were elbow to elbow, enjoying conversation, laughter and great food. We had all the usual family, but were especially blessed to have my nephew Brian and his wife, Sara, who were here for another special event that would come on Friday:) We enjoyed meeting Bader, Blake's friend from Kuwait very much. I'm pretty sure I've never met anyone so proper and formal and with such good manners! He kept putting his hands together and bowing slightly to me in thanks! He later told Blake that he had a great time, had never had food such as this but loved it and has never met any American's who were so hospitable. How sweet is that?

He wants to take in everything traditionally and culturally that he can while he's here in the U.S. to study, so we invited him again for Christmas dinner. He said he doesn't know much about the American Christmas tradition so I thought we could help him with that!

Bader told us that when he was a boy, they would receive videos and inevitably there would be one with Santa Claus on it. He said, "We did not understand who this man was who came down a tube in your house and deposited gifts under a tree, then left up the tube." His father explained it was an American tradition:) See what an opportunity we have to open our homes and share our traditions and ultimately the love of God with these young international students?

Thursday, I went with my friend Stephanie to work out which was a good thing since we enjoyed a second Thanksgiving dinner at Blaine's moms house with his family. It was equally as yummy and lovely. The little kids LOVE to play together in her big basement so they had loads of fun. I'm still trying to figure out why at the dinner table there was only one conversation going on at a time and it could be easily heard. At my house, there were 5 different conversations going on, it was loud and chaotic (in a fun way). Why is Blaine's family better behaved?? I'm really trying to figure this out:)

Friday was wedding day. My wonderful nephew was set to marry sweet Holly on Friday evening. We had to be at the wedding site for rehearsal at 9:20 a.m. and ended up staying the entire day doing this and that, until the wedding which was in the evening. Blaine and Blake were ushers, Mihiretu did a reading (I was so proud of him!) as did I, Katie did the photography with her Aunt Jenny and Aliya helped in various ways. It was beautiful and a complete blast! We feel privileged to have been a part of their special day!

Saturday morning, we went to the gift opening and then home to pick out the E Family Christmas tree. Everyone but Blake went and the girls chose a HUGE and gorgeous tree! This was Aliya's first tree picking experience and she did well!

In our family we have a tradition that each year, I buy each child a new ornament that is special for them. This way, when they move out they can take them all with them and remember why they were given them. Well, we got all the ornaments out and Aliya was enjoying looking at them all. I explained the tradition to her and then told her to wait a minute, that I had something for her.

I had shopped and purchased 15 special ornaments for her, wrapped each one and put it in a nice plastic tote with a handle. I brought them to her and told her to open them. It was very special and she LOVED them! She loves popcorn (they eat lots of popcorn in Ethiopia!) so I bought her a glass popcorn ornament. Since this year was her first airplane ride, I bought her a glass airplane. All were special and the other kids all oohed and ahhhed over her ornaments which I know made her like them all the more!

The tree is up and beautiful! The house smells like Christmas.

This week filled us up with much love, encouragement, family time, laughter, conversation, dancing, joy, beauty and sharing.

We are thankful indeed!!

I promise pictures to come!! Bug me if I forget!

Love,

Laura

Look who is coming to dinner!

Sorry for my lack of posting lately. Sometimes there are seasons in our newly formed family that are difficult and even though I have much to say, it is hard to know just what to say. I don't want to say too much but I want to be honest in our struggles. It's a very fine line and I err on the side of not saying too much.

I can say we had breakthrough the other night when we had a mom, dad and child meeting which exposed some brutally honest feelings and perceptions which I think shocked the child. It has brought about a very positive change in behavior, attitude and respect for me as Mom. Not sure how long it will last but I'm enjoying it for now. Continue to pray for a positive and strong attachment within this newly formed family. We'd appreciate it!

As many of you know, there is rarely a holiday that passes that we don't have an extra or two or more as guests at our table. Not sure how it always works out that way but we are thrilled to open our home and share our dinner and family traditions with someone who would otherwise be alone on a holiday. We don't believe anyone should ever sit alone on a holiday!

So...

The other day, Blake came home with a request...well, not really a request because he knows our feelings about people sitting alone on holidays. He'd already made the invitation and he was simply letting me know that we were going to have an extra guest at our table for Thanksgiving.

The guest is Bader, Blake's friend from the U is from Kuwait. He's only been here on a student visa since September. Blake met him the first week of school and they've been friends ever since. Blake's other friend at school is a Liberian girl so they all hang out together and have lunch together. Very international!

The other day, Bader asked Blake, "I am wondering something. I have asked some of my fellow classmates (he's very proper:) about the best restaurant where I can go to enjoy a traditional American Thanksgiving. They told me Perkins. Is this correct? Is Perkins the best place for me to go for a traditional Thanksgiving?"

Blake (now laughing) says, "NO! Perkins is NOT the best place for you to go for Thanksgiving! You have to come to my house."

Bader: "Really? You would have me over to your house?"

Blake: "Yes, we usually have someone extra at our table. My parents won't mind at all."

So guess who's coming to dinner?

Blake just told me that Bader wants to meet with him this week to discuss how things are done here and what he should and shouldn't say at our house! Blake told him he can say whatever he wants here. I am surprised and thrilled that he wants to come to celebrate a Christian holiday with us since he is Muslim.

What a great opportunity we have as American Christians to reach out to international students!! What an privilege to have this young man in our home to show him love, acceptance, fun, and how a typical American (ok, we're not actually typical) family celebrates a holiday. He will always have in his memory when he goes back to his country. He'll see how we behave as Christians, how we pray, how we interact. This is hugely impacting!

So let me challenge you. Is there anyone that you can have for dinner who has never celebrated a traditional Thanksgiving or Christmas? Or do you know anyone who will be alone on these holidays if you don't welcome them in?

I can tell you from experience...you will be blessed as much as you will be a blessing!

Laura

Re-adoption final!

Last Thursday was re-adoption day for Aliya. When a child is adopted from Ethiopia, they must go through a re-adoption here in MN. It is a formality, really but an important one as this is the day she officially becomes a U.S. Citizen!

The judge was very sweet, as was our last one with Mihiretu and Misganaw's re-adoption. He and the court reporter were very curious about our family because we were adopting a teenager. They said they almost never, ever see that and that all the adoptions they see are for babies or very young children. The court reporter hung back to talk to me and try to figure us out. I told her that we felt that older children are just as deserving as the 'itty bitties' are but they just don't get a chance as often. She agreed and blessed us as we left:)

(Look who's around the judges shoulder! Misganaw is taking over!)

Me, De, Blaine, Katie, Aliya, Misganaw, Mihiretu and Judge Spicer. Blake is missing because he had to be at school. We took the boys out of school to be there. Aliya did well and because she is over 14, she had to be sworn in by the judge and answer his questions. When he told her to raise her right hand, up went her left and he told her, "no, your other right." He was so friendly...she told us the judges in Ethiopia are NOT at all like that. They are more serious. We told her the judges here are serious too, if you have broken the law but that they LOVE doing adoption cases because they are fun.

He asked her basically if she understood that she would be our daughter forever and did she want that? She said, "Yes." The judge and the court reporter clapped. So sweet!

We got Chipotle for lunch (Aliya's choice) and then back to school for the last couple hours.

I don't think she understands the significance and privilege of being a U.S. Citizen. I tried to explain it to her and how much work it is for a foreign born person to become a citizen here. I told her that many foreigners would do anything to have her status but by adoption, it comes automatically.

It is exactly like how we join the family of God. Everyone wants to go to heaven someday. It's a status everyone desires. When we accept His free gift of salvation, he adopts us into His family forever. You can't work for it, it is automatic because of His love for us. Such a beautiful picture!

Yesterday, Aliya wanted Katie to take her to Target. They came home and Aliya was hiding something behind her back. She had purchased me a beautiful purple bouquet. Katie said it was completely her idea and her own money!! Thank you, Jesus...more progress in our relationship!

I have so much to catch you up on but not enough time, once again. I do want to ask for prayer for our dear friend, Kim. We had dinner with her on Friday night, and even though she was having a flare up of her MS, she was doing well. We got a call on Saturday morning and she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. She is now in ICU. It's still a bit of a mystery but she does have some sort of infection, her heart has been effected and weakened and she was having trouble breathing. This is a very hard situation for her family and friends. Please pray for her complete healing, strength for her family and that God would be glorified in all of this.

Blessings,

Laura